all I want is you (for Kate)

[duerespectguv]

Magnus found and returned to Will made for a good day and now two days later, it seems everything's back to some semblance of normal. There's still the bit about Kate bolting on him the morning Magnus disappeared but Declan's learned the best way to get Kate to talk is just to wait her out and she'll come around eventually; pressuring her doesn't seem to do any good.

He's settled in with a book, this one on boat-building of all crazy things and wonders if it's really true that they can't get off the island. He's seen a few boats, fishing boats, and there's that pirate ship but nothing like a cruise liner or a battleship and if they had one of those, maybe they could get home. Magnus and Will might not want to go home but Declan does because Declan can't stand feeling useless. This island makes him useless.

When he hears the door crack to his hut, he doesn't get up. It's Kate, if anyone, because Magnus and Will would knock and Tesla would have already announced himself by now.

"Bedroom," he calls out, not that she'll need the direction.

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[duerespectguv]

"I do care about you, Kate," Declan says, unsure if that's too much. "Not to overwhelm you or anything, but it's not just a fuck where I'm concerned. I don't do that. I care about you and respect the person you've become since you hooked up with Magnus."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate sighs and rests her forehead on his chest for a minute. This sucks, talking about this, but it's not like she has a choice if he wants to. Sure, she could shut him down. But he's...

She sighs again and rolls her head to the side to look at him. "Declan, I don't do this. What we're doing right now. I don't cuddle with the guys or girls I fuck. I curl up with Hank or Biggie, and Will tries to give hugs like lollipops if I open my mouth to talk. Sex is something I do on the side. Safer for everyone and I can't fuck it up."

Kate pauses, waiting, to see if he picks it up before she says, "But I'm still here. I'd be five hours gone with no forwarding address if it were someone else. But I'm still here. Because it's you."

[duerespectguv]

"Why's that, then? What makes it different with me than it was with the bloke that bruised you all up?"

Declan hasn't forgotten that and he hasn't forgotten how angry he'd felt when he saw her hurt that way. Maybe she'd wanted it, she seemed adamant that she did, but that's not how he treats a woman.

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"He didn't bruise me up, Declan. We bruised each other and half-destroyed the door to the hut we were fucking in." It hurts, him thinking like that. She'd thought they were over that.

Kate pulls away and sits up, in case she decides she's had enough. "Why do you have to say it like that? I'm not a domestic violence case, Declan. I just...I just like a little ow with my ohmygod sometimes."

What makes him different? Right now, she wants to say that he somehow thinks it's his business who she fucks and how. But she bites her tongue. Literally. Because she's not going to lie to him. Even though the fight of flight urge is rising. Fast.

[duerespectguv]

"Because I would be good to you, Kate, the way you deserve," Declan says but as soon as it's out, he regrets it. She wanted it rough and sought it out. Maybe he's just wondering if she's going to keep seeking it out because he can't give it to her.

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate's so close to tears her jaw aches and her palms are going to start bleeding any second from how deep her nails cut into them. She can't tell him again that she wanted it. She just can't. He doesn't get it. Maybe if he's still talking to her later, she'll explain it's about the same as a guy picking a fight at a bar, even though she's done that in the past too.

Instead, now, she laughs, raw and bitter. "I'm a con artist, a thief, a grifter, a smuggler, a kidnapper, even got hired as a contract killer. I deserve the inside of a cell, Declan. Not to be set on some kind of pedestal."

[duerespectguv]

"I'm not putting you on a bloody pedestal, Kate, and even if I were, the past doesn't erase your present," Declan says, frustrated with himself and with her.

"Your past means nothing to me."

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"It should!"

This is why she doesn't do this. Because they start thinking she's something she's not. They forget that she's a liar and a thief and if he's already this upset, it's just going to be so much worse when he cares more and she fucks it all up and breaks his heart.

"It should," she says, choking on all of the emotion. She doesn't want it to matter. That's the truth. But it should. She doesn't deserve anything this good.

[duerespectguv]

"Kate, I'm sorry I said anything. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that..."

What, MacRae? Out with it.

"If you've got some bloke who gives it to you hard and fast the way you like then why in the world would you come back to me, yeah? I couldn't ever hurt you like that. You are a good woman and you've made mistakes, but we all have. Magnus wouldn't have you around if you weren't good, Kate, and if she didn't see something in you. She's not the sort to use someone to do her dirty work and she won't abide having someone work for her that's not aligned with her morals. Who you are shaped you but it isn't all you are."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It cuts so close to...everything...that Kate's stunned breathless. He seriously could've kicked her in the ribs and gotten less of a reaction. But now she can't say anything. What is she supposed to say when that's what she's been trying to tell Will and Magnus. That she's not that person anymore.

She's not, not when it comes to work and whether they can trust her. But she is still the girl who did all those things.

All she can say is, "He's just a booty call. He's no one important." Even though she likes Aidan, he's not. Important. Not at all. "He doesn't know anything about me."

[duerespectguv]

"And I do," Declan finishes. "Which is why I care about you and why I worry."

Maybe it's a little stupid of him to worry about her when she can clearly handle herself but it's what he does with his team and his people: worry.

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It hurts. All of it. That he cares. That he doesn't get it. That she's hurting him. And a fuckload of other crap she's not even going to look at. Can't.

Everything stops and narrows down to a choice. Shoot Ashley, don't shoot Ashley; leave, get her trash picked up at four; stay, go. Which is going to be, Freelander? Break you, or break Declan?

Shaking, Kate slides across the bed to him and curls against his chest. "I know," she whispers, and can't believe she's doing this again. "Don't you think I know? You're my team, too."

[duerespectguv]

"Look, I was an ass for mentioning the sex thing again," Declan says, wanting to apologize for that because it had been completely out of line. "You have a different preference from me and it's fine."

He kisses the top of her head. "But I am always going to take care of you."

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"Yeah," she answers roughly. "You were." Not because he'd been out of line but because he's an idiot. She shoves him in the meat of his arm with the heel of her hand. "Don't be dumb, Declan."

She's just going to ignore the other part. Both the 'take care' and 'always'. She doesn't need, doesn't want (craves) the first. And just plain doesn't believe in the second.

"Haven't you ever gone looking for a fight?"

[duerespectguv]

"Loads of times," Declan says, quirking a grin at her. "I'm English, remember? Practically a national pastime to pick a fight when we're in our cups. It's been a while since I felt the need, though."

Makes sense she might need to work off excess energy, though.

"Why do you ask?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate opens a palm and gestures with it while making a face. Seriously, she has to talk about this? "It's the same thing."

Sighing, she squirms around until she's in his lap, facing him, and puts her arms over his shoulders. Yeah, she's kind of hoping naked tits in his face will distract him before they get too deep in this.

"I can hold my own in a bar fight, but sex is a more level playing field. As long as we're both agreed, a good hard fuck's a lot less dangerous than flying chairs and punches. Bites on my throat and scratches in your back, bruises from fucking up against a wall - it's the same kind of adrenaline as a fight. I'm not looking for someone to hit me or throw me around. You making me wait or holding me down or taking me hard, it all feeds the same need."

She hates talking about his. But she stayed. So she guesses that means he gets to know.

[duerespectguv]

Tits do distract him, he's a man, but he focuses enough to listen to what she says and nod along. If that's what she needs, it's what she needs, but it's not something he's really going to be able to provide her.

"I won't hurt you, Kate. We can have sex as often as we're both agreeable to it but I won't hurt you. There's nothing wrong with you liking it, I'm not saying that, but...I can't do it. I'm not wired that way."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

There's something not connecting for him and she's not sure what it is. It has her teeth in her bottom lip and her eyebrows scrunched up.

"You have a problem with anything that happened last night?"

[duerespectguv]

"No," Declan says quickly. "Last night was brilliant. Really brilliant."

He thinks for a moment and what she's told him connects with what happened last night. He's an ass, pure and simple, and he gives her a sheepish grin.

"Go on, then, call me an ass."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Holding that in reserve for later." At least she's smiling a little bit now and so's he. Maybe this conversation can be over soon.

"Just so we're clear. You have any problem making me beg until I'd promise you anything to get off?"

[duerespectguv]

"Absolutely no problems with that. It's hot to watch you squirm," Declan admits, grinning at her. "So as long as you want that, I'm more than willing to provide it, love."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Deadly serious, because sometimes he's an idiot and she never wants to have this conversation again, Kate leans in, dark eyes fixed on his gray ones. "So if I come to you rough and aggressive, do that. It's better anyway." Her voice drops, lips brush over his. "And I can't have it with anyone else. Because I can't trust them not to make me promise anything I wouldn't want to do. I trust you." He ought to know, she doesn't trust easy.

[duerespectguv]

He does know she doesn't trust easy and he nods, just once, before sliding his hand into her hair and kissing her. If Kate trusts him, he'll keep making sure he does what's necessary to keep that trust.

"I trust you, too. Nobody else I'd rather have watching my back."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Anyone else you'd rather have in your bed right now?" Kate purrs and nips at his mouth. She shouldn't ask, but she can't help herself. He's damned sexy and she wants him to want her.

[duerespectguv]

"Christ, no," Declan says with a laugh. "In fact, the problem we're going to have in a little bit is me not letting you leave my bed."