oct 20 - for Kate

[duerespectguv]

"Let's go," Declan says, but he doesn't make a move to release her from his arms. "In a few, though, I'm not inclined to let you go just yet."

Damn, he was gone on her. Too gone.

It's sort of a long walk from the Hub to his hut and that's mostly by design. Declan likes having something that's easily defended in the case of an attack and the hut being isolated as it is has a good visibility for anyone coming in. If he knows it's coming, he can be prepared. Of course, that's all worst-case scenario and a bit dire but it doesn't hurt to be prepared for everything. It's that same motto that's kept his head attached to his shoulders for the past forty some years.

When they get there (and he's not calling it home even if he concedes to being stuck here for a while - home is an antique bed in London with fantastic sheets and a great view), it's automatic to open the door for her even if Kate Freelander's not the sort of woman who needs doors opened for her.

"After you, Katie."

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[duerespectguv]

"What? No," Declan says quickly. "I want you to stay. It's just hard right now but we'll figure it out, one way or the other. Doesn't mean I don't want to see you, though, and I do."

His voice softens. "Stay, Katie."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate rests her cheek on his shoulder. It's kind of awkward, holding her come-coated hand away from both of them, so she rests it on his thigh. "Okay."

She's raw. Flayed to blood and bone. "It is hard," she admits with a tired sigh, lips brushing his throat. "I know why you won't, and I get it. It hurts anyway."

[duerespectguv]

"I don't mean to hurt you," Declan promises. "You know it's the last thing I want. The absolute last thing I ever want is to hurt you."

Declan wonders if maybe he should rethink the boundaries he set down if he's hurting her but he's not going to say anything unless she brings it up.

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"I know you don't, babe." She looks up at him from his shoulder, over at her hand, rubs her fingers together until the worst of the mess is dried, then slides that arm around him too.

There's the proof she's FUBARed. She's not just mixing sex and cuddling. She actually wants to be held.

"And if it was just me I'd hurt if I screwed up, I'd have promised already. I can risk me, but I won't risk you."

It's the same conversation. Over and over. But if she can't say yes yet, she needs him to know that she wants to. That he's what she wants. She's just afraid she'll hurt him.

[duerespectguv]

"So we'll wait," Declan says and presses a kiss to the top of her head. "We'll wait until you can promise and not be risking either of us and we'll be right, in the end. I just need you to know I'd never hurt you."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It's probably stupid. Not promising. But it feels like...kind of like the stealing. She's got to get right in her head about this before she can. Even if she kept the promise, making it now isn't right. She has things to do first.

"Does it piss you off that you're sure and I won't promise?" She worries about that. That he'll get tired of waiting.

[duerespectguv]

"No," Declan says honestly. "I'm not upset that you won't promise. I'd rather you wait and be sure than give me the words and break them later, Kate. The former, I understand, the latter would be incredibly painful for me."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"That's a promise I can make." Her voice is quiet, soft with way too fucking many emotions. She lifts her head to look him in the eyes. "If I give you my word, I won't break it. Ever. It might not work, you and me, but it won't be because I cheated on you."

She doesn't give her word. She doesn't make promises. She flies solo. So when she does give her word, make a promise, join a team, that's it. It's done. For good.

[duerespectguv]

"Then I think we'll be just fine," Declan says softly. "And I hope you're able to make that promise to me someday but I am never, ever going to stop being your friend, Kate."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate opens her mouth to say yeah, yeah, whatever, but what comes out is, "Promise?" At least it doesn't sound as hurt and lost as it feels. "I don't want to lose you, Declan. I don't..." She didn't want to lose this. Being with him like this.

Call a spade a spade, Freelander. Being his girlfriend.

[duerespectguv]

"Promise," Declan says softly. It's sincere because he never says anything to Kate about this, about the important things, without being dead serious about it.

"We're going to be just fine."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

He's so full of faith. So sure of himself, of her. It's kind of humbling. Not something she's got any real experience with. Humility. And this is such new ground, she has no idea what to say except, "Okay."

She rakes her teeth across her bottom lip. "Sorry I'm so all over the place. Want you and trying to be good about it's chafing."

[duerespectguv]

"I want you just as much," Declan promises.

"I want more than anything to just say the hell with it and have you whether you want to be exclusive with me or not but I know it'd just make us miserable in the end if I put expectations on you that you didn't keep. It's better this way so you can know exactly what you want."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"At least you just got off," Kate says, winces and curls closer again. His skin, his warmth, it helps soothe the edges off it. "Not asking, not trying to push. I'm just wound pretty tight. I should probably go do something about that or I'm not going to sleep."

[duerespectguv]

"You could let me do something about it," Declan suggests, running a hand through her hair when she settles again. "If you wanted, anyway."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate's eyes flash open in surprise and her restless fingers pet more deliberately against his chest. "You sure?" He's always generous in bed. That's not why. She just figured that was off-limits until she promised. If she couldn't promise, at least she could respect that he needed boundaries until she did.

[duerespectguv]

"I already bent the rules so you could touch me," Declan reminds her gently. "Let me bend them a little more so I can make you feel good, Katie. Just my hand isn't breaking too many rules."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"They're your rules, babe," Kate reminds and steals a quick kiss. "I suck at rules but I'm trying not to push. If you want to change the rules for heavy petting, I'm not complaining."

It's kind of sweet. Not that she'll ever admit it. But she never had this. Dating, learning sex with someone, matching the feeling and the wanting with the nerves about trying new stuff. Maybe it's a good thing, them doing this together.

[duerespectguv]

"I probably shouldn't," Declan says but it's just hedging. He wants her, badly, and he wants what she's not ready to give him. "But I want to. I want you so damned much, Katie, it's about all I can think about. And I have never been good about self-denial."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Her heart flips in her chest. Her heart flips. Yeah, her cunt's pretty enthusiastic about agreeing but it's how much he wants her that does it for her.

She smiles, just for that second completely unguarded, sweet and almost cute. "The rules were no sex. Isn't a hand job technically third base?"

[duerespectguv]

"That's true," Declan agrees. "It's not technically intercourse and I guess I can make an exception on a technicality."

The logic's tenuous at best but he wants her more than he wants to follow a set of rules right now. He slides his hand along her arm. "Undress for me?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It's not that kind of invitation. Although... Kate adds stripping for him while he jacks off to the list of things she wants to do with him. List. Sigh. Freelander, will you listen to yourself?

She lifts up, balancing on his good shoulder to get the shorts off and rubs the dry, sticky mess off her hand on them. Before she settles over his lap again, she leans in to kiss him. "No one's ever been as good to me as you are," she tells him. It seems important. Letting Declan know he's not like anyone else. Even while there are still technically someone elses.

[duerespectguv]

"I'm going to keep being good to you," Declan promises, unable to keep from running his hands over her skin. "That's a promise, love. You deserve it."

Maybe if he's better to her than anyone else there will stop being anyone else.

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

His hands, oh gods. Her skin aches. She wants him so much it's hard to nod, hard to breathe, hard to be patient. "Damn, babe," Kate manages, soft and low, but composed, like she's not going out of her mind just from him touching her.

She hasn't been celibate since the last time they were together, but the way it feels when it's him...everything else is swimming in the kiddie pool.

[duerespectguv]

"Easy," Declan murmurs, low and soothing. He takes his time just mapping out her curves with his hands and slides his hands up to cup her breasts for a moment. He rubs his thumbs against her nipples, testing, and smiles up at her.

"I missed you. I want to take my time."